Marriage

So, I haven’t been sharing a little bit of what is going on in my personal i.e. sexual/romantic life with you because it’s a little bit embarrassing. Especially the first part I’ll be talking about.

During the time when I was extremely zombified and having had to return to living with my parents, I had noone, not a friend. Except my cousin Ruba who reached out to me. Actually, there was somebody that I reached out to and got a hold of, Giovanna, a Peruvian lesbian. A lesbian that I had actually fucked once at a point in my life.

Anyway, during my conversations with Ruba, at one point, we had discussed marriage between us. It would have been something, of course, had she not been my cousin. Marriage between cousins, as far as I know, is illigal in the United States but permissible in Canada. And not only that, but it is actually a domineering factor within my family (cousins having married between my uncles and aunts, and even some cousins over there in Jordan).

It was a one time conversation between Ruba and I and we didn’t bring it up again for some time. She was in America on a work permit that was about to expire and she didn’t want to go back to her home country of Egypt, so she was very open to marriage with someone in the Western world.

Anyway, as time went on, and I had moved out of my parents place onto the basement apartment, she had began getting serious with a fellow. So time was ticking for me especially that her residence time in the U.S. was also ticking. Thus, I decided to open up the conversation with her again and told her that I, personally, am not interested in marriage because I don’t want to marry my cousin because it’s incest. And that she should go ahead and get serious if she so wishes with her new mate, Chris.

And that was that and I seized communicating with her after that point.

A few weeks ago, I began realizing how much I desire to share my life with someone. And started to think of her and how it would be awesome to have her around. Ofcourse, I’m thinking of her, specifically, because there’s noone else around! But I thought of the good times we could have for having a partner in my life.

Mind you, she is now married to Chris.

So I called up my mom and got her number. Because I had since completely deleted it.

I took it a little slow and we talked about a few things, however, she was, as I noticed, a little aloof towards me.

But, know this, she had tried to get in touch with me on numerous occasions since I deleted her and found opportunities to connect with me like when I got a Facebook page. And this was after she got married.

Anyway, I wanted to lay it all down to her and sent her a message explaining to her how awesome she had been and how she had been with me during the toughest parts of my life when noone else was there. And I asked her to marry me.

I asked her that because I, honestly, have no idea how she actually feels with Chris or that the only reason she married him was out of desperation. By the way, she is a divorcé and has an ex-husband.

She didn’t reply for two or three days and at which point I had called my mother and told her what I did. And she explained that she actually loves her husband and didn’t just marry out of desperation. And, I had began letting go of that whole idea.

When she messaged me afterwards, the just of the message was that we do love each other but that we were never in love. So that was that and I wasn’t bothered at all because I see the other side of things so I am also indifferent to the outcome of my actions.

…to be continued