For almost 12 years, I refused to take my medication at a consistent basis. During that period of time I was advent in finding a different way, other than taking medication, for my issues with living life.
My life altering journey began in approximately 2007. It was then when I started looking and finding different ways to heal and be better. I had delved into the macrobiotic diet, and was dumbfounded that I can heal pretty much everything through home remedies and cooking. When I got the regular flu during my first year on the macrobiotic diet, not only did I heal quickly with the macrobiotic diet, but the following years I didn’t even get the flu (which ofcourse historically was an annual routine – the common cold) while adhering to that diet.
In 2010 I had the onset of my mental illness, or, put in another way, my spiritual emergence (a term coined by Dr. Stansislav Grof who wrote many books on mistakingly diganosing people going through a spiritual crisis with a diagnosis of mental illness). The circuimstances I find myself in is evidently explained by the concept of spiritual emergence. If in doubt, read my article on my kundalini awakening.
The onset of my “psychosis” is similar to what is explained by the famous term of going through “the dark night of the soul” or, esoterically, “ego death”.
In summary, my “dark night” was so strong that I had to leave my home country of Canada to go and live with my parents who were, at the time, residing in Dubai. There, I mostly stayed in my room feeling negative and suicidal. It was a difficuilt time where I wouldn’t leave my bed except to go to the washroom. My mother would bring me food because I wouldn’t eat otherwise.
My mom talked to a psychiatrist on her own because I refused to go see one and he claimed that I had bipolar and I need to be on medication. I refused to go and see a psychiatrist due to my preconceived notion that the medical science isn’t all that; it doens’t know everything and I knew that if I could heal from home remedies and didn’t need medication for the common cold that means I don’t need any medication for whatever is ailing me.
It was very hard to accept medication because I was aware of many conspiracy theories about the pharmacutical industry and their supposed intention to have evey living being on earth be on medication. This is the ultimate goal for an industry that makes a profit from the medicalization of people. I was very skeptical about medication of any kind and actually abhored them.
In 2011, I was visiting the Kingdom of Jordan. This was a time when I was starting to get excited about life and being inspired and having ambition. People around me were bothered by this new found zest and, in conclusion, hospital staff showed up at my door, pinned me down on a chair and gave me an injectable sedative. I woke up thinking I was kindnapped. The experience was horrifying. At the hospital I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and was told that I need to be on medication for life. They gave me two different kinds of mood stabliziers and an antipsychotic. I felt like a zombie.
I retaliated against being medicated so very much and I knew that once I was out, I will be getting off the medication. And that’s what happened. After a brutal three months of being at the hospital, I went back to Dubai and as soon as the opportunity presented itself, I started to ween off the pills and skipping my clinical visits where I was to be given the AP (antisychotic) injection. I didn’t think anything was wrong with me nor that I needed medication for whatever I was “going through”. It was complete non-sense to me! Who involved these doctors and who are they to say that I have some kind of mental illness and that I need to be medicated? I just felt normal and felt that everything was okay, and that I’m in the right and they’re complete crazy.
My doubting the doctors was based on sound ideas. They don’t want to hear my side of the story. They don’t want to hear what happened to me. And they could care less about my experience and what I had to say. They’re completely closed minded about alternative models of thinking or alternative perspectives. Doesn’t my meditation and spiritual experience matter? It for sure matters to me! Why should I take into consideration what they have to say if they are not considering what I have to say? We didn’t discuss where or how it happened nor when and when the “symptoms” started appearing. All these factors are extremely relevant to me but they had none of it.
I mean, I want to talk about how it all happened. It didn’t happen gradually, for example, it happened suddenly. And when there is an explanation, a direct explanation, to what could be happeneing with me you should not at all, neglect that perspective no matter how invested in your profession and dogma you are! This is my life here! I matter! I’m a human being with feelings and emotions and a mind. You can’t just tranquilize me and call it a day for goodness sakes!
All they wanted to do was to diagnose symptoms and mask and hide them without dealing with the root cause or issue. They just turned me into a zombie so that I don’t bother them. But guess what? Maybe it’s good that you are bothered. The world is a mess, and you are not doing anything to make it better. Infact, you are making it worse. And I am the voice of the vulnerable. Please stop trying to silence me because it makes you feel uncomfortable. Wake up and start making changes!
So I got off the medication and was in an alternate state of reality. I was communicating with other beings/spirits/guides. I’ll do a blog post on the stories behind my spirit guides in a blog post so look out for that there. But long story short, coupling my guardianship with the law of attraction, my guides were giving me guidance towards making manifest that which I am meditating on and visualizing and affirming to myself the life that I dream of.
I’ve been doing law of attraction since 2012. Visualizing the life that I wanted, the relationships, the wealth, the cars, the properties and all that kind of luxurious good stuff. My purpose is to live an abundant life and consciously be a creator of it. And I do that by, again, visualizing, affirming, and meditating upon it. This ofcourse, goes hand in hand with doing what is necessary to make my desires manifest. As in, work ardently towards achieving these goals.
Law of attraction could be, in and of it self, a delusional way of thinking. If your dreams are humongous then others around you might think that you are not being realistic (as what my dad claimed last week about my dream of travelling in private jets). This law dictates that you live in a vibration that is to match the vibration of the things you are attracting. I now embody that spirit; but it takes time to master.
As I stopped taking the AP and reduced my dose of the mood stablizers to half the amount, I stated to get into conflict with my parents and we started having angry/heated conversation with each other. Thus I decided to leave them and come back to Canada.
The spirits I communicated with enticed me to drive a certain way to end up in a car accident. Following the accidnet I ended up meeting a Doctor who is turened TCM practitioner, Dr. Maria Alonso. She was giving me herbal concoctiopns in the form of pills, which amplified my communication with the spirit world.
Getting back on topic, one of the reasons I was not keen on taking the medication I was prescried is that they are not curing the root cause of the problem. They are only masking symptoms. And I was ardent on finding a cure to the havoc that is going on in my life. The root cause of what is going on is neglected, the psychiatric system doesnt not look at the “why” of what is going on, only some claim that it is a chemical imbalance. A claim that connot, to this day, be proven. And even if you do have a chemical imbalance, dont we want to correct it at the source instead of giving the individual a cocktail of drugs for the rest of their lives? A cocktail of drugs for the rest of my life?
This is/was especially baffeling to me given that the answer is right there infront of us. That there is some kind of spiritual toxic waste being detoxed from my soul energy field. This was made evident by the massive and life-altering energy of the kundalini awakening and intensive meditative and spiritual practice. It is clear that these medical professionals are ill equipped to deal with such a phenomenon. And when that is the case, then at the very least help me find my people instead of messing with me and sedating me to the point of oblivion.
At the end of the day, we need to look at the whole individual. The transpersonal side of things. Including their environment, their psychology, their philosophy, their emotions; everything that makes up the person. We don’t just isolate perceived behaviour problems and diagnose people with an illness without knowing anything of their background and why and what could be ailing them to perceive the world as they do and react to it the way they do.
Evidently, doctors don’t know everything. And they are to stop pretending like they know everything. They know something, and maybe they know that something really well. But that something isn’t everything and the world is huge and vast with knowledge. To lay claim that they understand everything that could be going on and/or their solution is the end all be all of solutions is complete blasphemy. Ofcourse, society is currently skewed in their favour and the alopathic medical model has a monopoly in how one is to be well. Other models of medicine are not acknowledged nor recognized by the modern day “doctor”.
After stopping the medication, somehow, one way or another, I ended up at a psychiatric facility called CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). While in there, I lost my rights to my mother (apparently) and was put back on psychiatric medication and then discharged. I stayed on the medication for a couple of years until I had enough of my sedetary life and lifestyle of sleeping my days away and so sought out a naturopathic doctor.
For some reason, at this point, I just thought I would substitute one form of pill with another. So I ended up with a cocktail of natural supplements. Well, atleast they’re “natural” right? And I started weeing off the medication. I did that with the intention of getting off the psychiatric drugs all-together completely dismissing the naturopathic doctor’s (Dr. Jonathan Prousky) advise to atleast stay on a little bit of them.
Tensions arose between my brother and I, who was my flatmate at the time, and I started having tensions with my parents again while they were still in Dubai so I finally moved out of there and lived in a bachelor apartment on my own. By the time I was off all my medication I got into more trouble with my neighbours/the law and ended up back in prison.
The whole point of these stories is to come back to the main point of why I had begun to be aggreeable to my prescribed medication. From getting bail and going back to prison (with guns aimed at me – I’m lucky to be alive!), the story continued with getting on medication and back off it to end up in prison and institutionalized in psychiatric facilities; even being homeless.
The last time I was out, before going back in again, I devised a grand plan that must work this time for getting off the medication. I did acupuncture with Dr. Zuocheng Wang, I got on herbs, I saw a transpersonal psychotherapist, Brent Mitton, on a weekly basis and I also went to a community meditation practice and got the teacher, Theodore Tsaucidis on board with the plan. Things were going great. I had a team. I knew I had their support and it’s going to work this time.
At one point things started to fall apart and I lost contact with my lifelines. I’m in my own world doing my own thing with noone material around to help, support nor guide me. So I end up back in jail, and then bailed out. And soon afterwards back in jail. After that last time in jail, they didn’t release me back into the community but had sent me to the psychiatric facility instead. I fought very hard against them involutarily giving me the medication because I was sure that it’s possible for people who have been diagnosed with mental illness to live a full life without drugs. These individuals are like Will Hall and Laura Delano.
So as it happens, I lost my case in court and was to be given the medication involuntarily. And as a reaction to that, I did commit the crime I was charged for this time. This time, I actually did attack an individual even though be it, in an act of self defense for my rights, as opposed to the multitudes of false accusations that lead me into becoming a convicted criminal in the past.
I’m currently not closed off to the idea of being off my medication but it is not that time to be thinking about that at all. Who knows what the future brings and what kind of support and people will be around to facilitiate a seemless move towards a completely natural, medication-free life. I am looking forward to that day but until then, I am staying put with my current medical treatment regime direly. I am currently doing very well and am taken care of and things are honky dory, so I don’t need to mess with anything.
Even though I am on meds, at this time, I am living my best life and am very hopeful for what the future holds. Bringing to life a magnificent life that I have been ardent on manifesting as I visualize it daily is at the forefront of my mind. It doesn’t matter that I’m on meds or not anymore, especially that my efforts have not gone in vain. A whole and complete life is in my hands. I’m happy and I’m joyful and those around me are happy about my progress especially my parents and brother and relatives. The doctors and the justice system are also now off my case and I am leading a life of freedom.
Not that I haven’t gone through some tough times before reaching this sublime state. Within the past couple of years I have been depressed, and I have been suicidal. I have felt hopeless and I have not felt comfortable in my own skin and did go through a massive stage of anhedonia- not feeling pleasure in doing things that I once enjoyed. However, my perserverance in looking for ways to make my life work has definetely paid off. Things like naturopathy and herbology helped me out alot.
Although I didn’t want to touch a herb that is an anti-depressant given that it could send me on a spiral. I have since been drinking small portions of St. Johns Wort regularly to it having a great effect on me. I adore this herb as it keeps me really happy and elated and I would recommend people add it to their daily herbal mixture often as it leads to a happier life! (although sometimes it’s not recommended for people who have bipolar – however, up to now, it’s done nothing but great things for me). These warning that are given to stay away from herbs like St. Johns Wort is proof that the efficacy of herbs is undeniable. For me, it’s a loophole; that is, I can consume some of natures prized gifts of herbs alongside the chemical toxins that I am forced to take and feel absolutely great. I am so glad thast I have a “way-out” of it all with the help of the force of nature.
So, in the end, I realised it’s okay to be on medication and things do get better. Putting in a little bit of effort to make your life better goes a long way, the key is to not give up and keep your perserverance. And a lot of times it’s better to take your medication than to refuse it. Things go easier that way. And there’s nothing wrong with that given the society that we live in today. People take medication for all kinds of ailments and some people need it just to stay alive.
Ideally speaking, most people, I would presume, would rather they not need to be taking medication. But we do because we need to given the society and it’s standards and the situation and circumstances we find ourselves in. However, I am still hopeful for a different kind of society where things are done differently and we resort to more natural methods of dealing with things in the grand scheme of things mainly also. This kind of world and society would havbe eliminated illnesses like cancer and diabetes and that whole lot of things. We would be living a life where we manifest wholesomeness and not illness and disease. But in a world where war and crime is at the forefront of our minds (through media, entertainment, governanance etc.) it is to no surpirse that we are getting really sick.
In a more humane society where poverty and homelessnes doesn’t exist and humans really are considerate and take care of one another, we would not be harbouring a breeding ground for all these diseases and illnesses. The reality is that the microorganism is tied with the larger picture of things. And it all needs to change for our ultimate survival. As we value love towards one another and compassion and care for one another as opposed to competition and competing with one another, we will solve all the problems that exist.
For a recap, I outlined all the reasons why I had refused to take my medication. These were the reasons why, at the time, I refused to take them. However, after some breakthroughs, and realising that things are okay even while I’m on meds, and accepting reality for what it is right now, I have become more and more agreeable to the medication. And I have no plans in getting off them in the foreseeable future. But in the distant future, I am, still, hopeful that a support network of sorts forms that will help people live a more natural and wholesome life free of all kinds of toxins. For now, this will do and I am happy living the life I am living. And it seems that my retaliation against the meds, by the points that I made in this article, is founded on a solid ideology and I did have the right context in refusing the medication for the time that I did. And my ideas against the medical system and the way things are done are still valid. It’s now just a case of you “gotta do what you gotta do”…
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